EP. 10: Ukraine‘s future between Trump’s ambitions and Russia‘s war with Yuliia Diadiuk

00:00:03: Luzia Tschirky: Welcome to the podcast Yak Ty? Ukraine Live. Yak ty means how are you in Ukrainian? I'm your host, Luzia Tschirky, a former correspondent, now a book author and a freelancer. The aim of this podcast is to give people in Ukraine an opportunity to share the very personal experience of Russia's full scale invasion. I am more than delighted to welcome today's guest on the show, Yuliia Diadiuk. Yuliia Diadiuk is working as a project officer for a Swiss independent organization for development in Ukraine. She oversees programs that support people of all ages in Ukraine, from schoolkids to elderly people, in these tremendously difficult times. Yuliia has studied international relations and development at LK International University in Lithuania. After finishing her studies, she moved back to Ukraine. She joins us today from Kharkiv, a city in the northeast of Ukraine and dangerously close to the Russian border. Welcome to the podcast, Yuliia.

00:00:59: Yuliia Diadiuk: Thank you so much for having me.

00:01:02: Luzia Tschirky: As always, I start this podcast with the question Yak ty saras? How are you right now?

00:01:09: Yuliia Diadiuk: That's, you know, a very complicated question, because when you live in Ukraine, you have two different answers to this question. If we're talking big scale and today, right now. So if we're talking big scale, obviously there are a lot of events happening at the geopolitical arena right now that really disappoint us Ukrainians. But if we're talking right here, right now, in this moment, which is crucial to understand that this is where you have to hold your ground while there is a full scale invasion going on, I'd say I'm fine. I'm at home, I'm safe. And this is something that I'm trying to appreciate as long as I have it.

00:01:51: Luzia Tschirky: We are recording this podcast episode one day before the third anniversary already of Russia's Full-scale invasion. You live in Ukraine. When you look outside of the window in Kharkiv. You see, every day you know the outcomes of Russian aggression towards your country. How do you personally not lose your mind when you read the news and hear the developments? How do you stay sane in these times?

00:02:15: Yuliia Diadiuk: Well, you know, sanity is still under question for a lot of us. And the jokes aside, we all understand that we are traumatized, all of us, by some extent by the events. And some of us are more involved into this geopolitical situations or other of others or less. Unfortunately, I'm very involved in this. I've spent one year as an exchange student in the US back in 2016, when President Trump was first elected, and I take it really personally, I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of, you know, close connections to people in the United States. And the first thing I've done after I've heard, you know, these first accusations that I gave a call to my host family that I spent my year with, and they were completely against that. And that, you know, what helped me to understand that, okay, this is not all Americans, which kind of makes it makes things better on the personal side of things. But when we're talking about politics side of things, you understand that this is basically a catastrophe going on. And that's when, you know, I allow myself to get angry. I allow myself to get pissed because this is a logical reaction when you know things that are white and pretty clear and poured that way for over three years right now, for over 11 years. If we go back to the 2014 when Ukraine was first attacked. Now it's called black and untrue and false information and so on and so forth. But the person who has probably the most influence on the international arena at the moment and that's, you know, disappointing to say the least. But we have what we have. And I'm trying to live day by day to see what I can do at this moment, what I can share, what I can tell to my foreign friends, to my, you know, relatives, to bring them comfort about this. And this is basically as much as I can do. I would say that, you know, being in therapy, having a psychologist helps a lot because that's when you understand, okay, I can be really mad. I can be lots and lots of things about this, but there's only this much I can do, and there's only this much I can control. And that's where I'm going to focus right now.

00:04:27: Luzia Tschirky: You're joining us from Kharkiv. You mentioned in your first answer that you feel safe, which is I would say, I assume it's difficult to feel safe in Kharkiv, as you are only like 30km away from the Russian border and Kharkiv gets shelled every day. You have air raids every day. Why did you move to Kharkiv? Can you share with us? Why did you move to Kharkiv during the full scale invasion?

00:04:54: Yuliia Diadiuk: So I moved to Kharkiv back in 2022. That was a late fall, beginning of winter of 2022, and there were basically two reasons for that. One of them was that my husband was serving in this part of the front line, and I wanted to be closer to him. That was crucially important to me. We weren't dating at the time. We weren't officially married yet. But still, I wanted to be supportive and I wanted to be there in case anything happens, in case he needs additional support and just, just just to be there. But the other reason was that I understood that, you know, people here need help. I need to be here to understand them better and to see what I can do. Considering the fact that before the full scale invasion, and generally even in my university studies, I do have some expertise in development and humanitarian response. And I knew that being here would bring a lot of added value to me staying in Ukraine. And that was that was basically the reason for why. Obviously it was a hard decision. It wasn't something that was really welcomed by my family, by my mother, because she knew what was going on in Kharkiv. We had seen those news. We had seen those very touching pictures of people having their homes fully destroyed. And I will be honest, I didn't have like the entire full picture of what it's like to be here before I moved in. So that's probably why this decision was made a little bit fast. Let's put it this way. But I never regretted moving to hierarchy, and I'm really glad that I'm able to stay close to my husband while his servant. And I'm also able to help people here who have seen so much and who have suffered so much.

00:06:43: Luzia Tschirky: When you travel to other cities of Ukraine, when you compare, to the reality you see every day in Kharkiv. And then you see the reality in other cities of Ukraine. Do you sometimes have the feeling like this is like on a different planet?

00:06:58: Yuliia Diadiuk: It's it's a feeling to describe because once again, there is this just this emotional part of things there. And then there is, you know, a rational part of things. If we're talking emotional, obviously, it really disappoints me to see that people in, let's say, bigger cities westward, like Kyiv, like Lviv, other westward cities, they live a more normal life compared to what we have here in Kharkiv. And this brings a lot of disappointment. This brings a lot of anger because, like, they don't understand me, they don't understand my experience. But then on the rational side of things, I understand that one way or the other, this war has influenced these cities too. Like people have died in Kyiv and they continue dying and key because of the missile strikes. People in Lviv have also died because of missile strikes. People in Lviv do have relatives, friends, close ones who are serving in the army and unfortunately were killed in action or wounded in action. So basically, that's once again a balance between okay, here's my emotion and I have a full right to be disappointed, to be shocked, to be even stressed when I see that many people in one place and so on and so forth. But then there is the rational side of yes, this experience is different. I acknowledge it and I don't want to be rude, mean or disrespectful to these people simply for the fact because they didn't see what I saw. I always invite, like friends of mine, relatives of mine to see what it's like, but I totally understand that it's not always possible. It's not for everyone to go and trouble to give just like that, because once again, it's unsafe. So I'm trying to share my experience, but I also I'm I'm also trying to be, you know, understanding about their experience of what what they've seen, what they know. Because this is this is not the time to, you know, to separate each other by the factor of who suffered the most. We all suffered in our own kind of way, and we have to stay united for this to be over in a favorable way. And I mean, this situation with Trump just just really supports the fact that we have no time to find these, to fight this fight inside of the country. We have to stay united because we are all fighting against one aggressor, and that's Russia.

00:09:27: Luzia Tschirky: Do you feel like the the current remarks of President Trump, that they actually unified the country more so that when someone from abroad, no matter who it is, attacks like Volodymyr Zelensky, the elected president of Ukraine, that this is actually uniting people. What is your impression in Ukraine?

00:09:44: Yuliia Diadiuk: Oh, definitely. I will say that when Trump has stated that Zelensky is a dictator, when Trump has stated that he only has like 4% of support nationwide, I think that raised the ratings of ordinary Zelensky by a significant bit, because, you know, this is where Ukrainian nature wakes up and says, wait, okay, this is our president, and it's only Ukrainians who get to criticize him, who get to hate him, call him names, and so on and so forth. Sorry you have nothing to do with our president. And this is our president, and we're going to support him. We're going to protect him because you have nothing to do with our internal business. There is this outside aggressor, and we appreciate your help with defending him. But please do not intervene with our, you know, internal business. And that's one of the principal of international relations at its core. You know, this independence, sovereignty that other states are not to intervene with our internal affairs. And even though for most of us, for most of Ukrainians, it's not something that comes from this academic understanding of sovereignty. But this is where Ukrainian sovereignty has spoken up and spoken up profoundly that you know what? We do not, you know, make an angel out of Zelenskyy. We totally understand that there were decisions that were not okay. We totally understand that. You know, some people in his office are not the ones that we wouldn't necessarily support. But please let us take care of this, and you take care of the things you were supposed to take care under the Budapest memorandum. So I believe that this is, you know, the profound understanding of sovereignty that woke up right now. And I really hope that other Western allies will understand this and support us in this. So I'd say yes, this definitely united us once again. I'm now seeing something similar to what we've seen in 2022, when the full scale invasion this just started.

00:11:42: Luzia Tschirky: What would you say? There's always like this one talking point about elections in Ukraine. You know, like Volodymyr Zelenskyy was elected in 2019. And yet theoretically last year there should have been held elections in Ukraine. But due to the war, this is actually not possible. It's forbidden by the Ukrainian constitution. What you personally, as a Ukrainian are prefer to have elections now during the full scale invasion? Or is this not a topic for you at all?

00:12:09: Yuliia Diadiuk: Oh definitely not, I don't know. I do not want to have elections right now. I will tell you why. Well, first of all, it's not safe gathering a lot of point. A lot of people in one place in on one day to have elections. It's not safe at all. And even if Russia suggests or agrees to have a ceasefire for that one day, we all know how Russia is bad at keeping its promises. So it's unsafe for the for the people of Ukraine. Second of all, there are a lot of people on the temporarily occupied territories that we will that we will not able to, you know, pull into those elections and they will not have a voice which is undemocratic whatsoever. And third of all, like there is a constitution, this Constitution is a democratic one, and we have to adhere by constitution. So we're having a lot of discussions with my friends right now about like how the United States sees holding these elections from the, you know, law standpoint, because I don't see any kind of mechanism in place right now that could, you know, help make all of this things legal. Because if we hold elections without canceling martial law, that means that those are unconstitutional. And one ruling of the Constitutional Court can say, no, these are not legal elections. If we have a cease fire council martial law for a short period of time, once again, I'm not I do not see Russia trustworthy And that, you know, the cease-fire will be actually in place. So I'm completely against the idea. And, you know, my friends like my let's see, bubble of communications are all, you know, supportive of the thought that elections are not something that we are supposed to have at the moment in history proves that to, you know, Great Britain did not have elections until the World War two was over, which is completely fine. And no one called. You know, you want a dictator. But now, you know, Trump just tries to pressure us into things that he thinks will make him him great again. Not America, really, but we'll make him great. So this is the only explanation I have at this point. This is nothing to do with democracy, nothing to do with, you know, fair representation or someone being a dictator or not. This is simply because, you know, Trump has his own motives. Those are very personal.

00:14:37: Luzia Tschirky: Do you know what it feels like for soldiers at the front, for example, for your husband? The current developments? Does it feel disheartening when you're fighting for the sovereignty of your country and your so-called partners are leaving you, or you have, like, the impression they're leaving you? How is it for them? What do you know about that?

00:14:55: Yuliia Diadiuk: From what I can see and from what I know, most of the Ukrainian soldiers, they're pretty much pissed because they have never expected things like this to happen. You know, there is this, let's say, concept of brotherhood there in place. I don't want to be I don't want to sound sexist or anything, but let's be honest with ourselves. Most of the people serving in the Ukrainian army are men. There is a pretty solid chunk of women there, but for the big part, it's it's men and they feel they just feel betrayed because, you know, they had an ally, they had a brother, they had people from and from the United States who stood beside them in the International Legion. And now this is happening. And this is, you know, profoundly mentioned by their President that they are not supportive anymore. They see us as a dictatorship and so on and so forth. So this is really disappointing. This feels like a betrayal. This provokes a lot of anger. But on the other hand, though, there are a lot of Americans here in Ukraine right now, either serving in the Army, an international Legion, or working in humanitarian working, you know, as a journalist and things like this. And they do not sound supportive of this idea whatsoever. Most of them are really profound in speaking that, you know, this is ridiculous and this should not be this way. So, you know, we are really disappointed by President Trump and his administration and the things that they are saying and how they're trying to use their advantage. But we are trying, you know, to grab this idea of ordinary Americans and this is, you know, helping to be more selective at where we are targeting our anger. But once again, most of us are just, you know, reacting emotionally and saying, well, Americans are not our allies anymore. None of them are. We are not supporting anything that is American at the moment. And we will we will just keep fighting without them then, because this is a matter of survival. This is not the matter of, you know, fun and games and keeping Zelensky in his presidency or anything. This is the matter of their families, other people, eastern Ukraine and even most of Ukraine sort of survival. So that's that's something that is going around in the military community, I would say. But once again, I cannot speak for all. I cannot speak, you know representatively, this is just what I see you from my own once again from my own bubble of people that I that I talk regularly to.

00:17:37: Luzia Tschirky: You are now in your mid 20s when you compare yourself like to other, you know, people of the same age who are not from Ukraine. Do you see any difference due to the full scale invasion? Did that change you profoundly compared to peers?

00:17:51: Yuliia Diadiuk: As a person who's who had to grow up pretty early for like the many different reasons, because I went to the United States at the age of age of 16 and so on and so forth. I can say that, yes, I am kind of, you know, more grown up compared to me with some other people, but it's not necessarily because of the war. I did not, you know, have information at my disposal to say that, you know, this war had me grow up fast and others, you know, were able to stay kids for a little bit longer. But what I can say for sure is that the events that happened starting in 2014 and further on, They definitely influenced me as a person because I was 14 when the revolution of dignity started in Ukraine, and then Russia invaded Crimea and Donbas and got me basically that created for me this major identity piece that I'm a Ukrainian and this identity piece was with me throughout those years, even, you know, when hostilities were not that active, even like after 2015, when the ceasefire in Minsk happened, and so on and so forth, I was still standing, you know, strong grounds of saying, okay, you know what? I'm Ukrainian, I will advocate for Ukraine when I'm abroad, I will speak up about Ukrainian issues. When I'm abroad, I will share my culture. I will share the things I know about Russia and how Russia attacked Ukraine. So that is a profound effect of what happens when, you know, a teenager sees events like this. And this is definitely what I can see in teens right now, because I've been working in an NGO that worked with children affected by war, starting from the very little small little ones from age three until they're 18. And this is a major effect on their personality. And I'd say identity is a huge piece of this, because this is when you realize, okay, this is something that is inseparable of me. This is something that I'm going to carry into the world, and this is something that I'm going to, you know, I'm going to cherish. That's probably the best word to say.

00:20:04: Luzia Tschirky: We are now talking so much about policies, and attitudes toward Ukraine on a political level. But to me at least, it seems like we're not talking so much about people, the people who are affected by the war. You mentioned the organization you work before, like all the children that are so terribly affected by Russia's war against Ukraine. Do you miss sometimes the mentioning of the people suffering in Ukraine when we talk about the current state of affairs.

00:20:31: Yuliia Diadiuk: That's probably the thing that makes me question Trump's statement all of the time. Like, I cannot understand how this person sleeps at night after saying something like this, knowing that people are dying here. That's like, that's something mind blowing to me. And I don't want to, you know, call names anyone. But I think you should be a psycho to keep talking like this, knowing that there are thousands and thousands of people who died, who died for something, for the values that you say you share, for the values that you say that you're promoting, like democracy, freedom, sovereignty, and so on and so forth. But like you just allow yourself to see this and you allow yourself to throw in those offers of, you know, trying to get money from Ukraine, resources from Ukraine. Like, how is that even possible? But then I understand that, you know, empathy is is a luxury that not all of us have access to. Empathy is something that you have to grow within yourself, that you have to nourish within yourself to understand what are the other experience that people have, what people people see every single day lived by? And some people just don't have it. And that's okay. I cannot influence other people. I cannot, you know, go into Trump's bedroom and see saying, you know, we're about to have a therapy session right now. And I'm going to tell you that empathy is very helpful to live this life. So, yes, it's a pity that not often we see those true human stories behind policies, behind those peace talks, ceasefire agreements and so on and so forth. But a lot of people, especially politicians right now, they don't seem to understand the importance of those stories to a lot of people right now, don't seem to bother with the others while they're dealing with their own problems. And that's okay. That requires a lot of resources, that requires a lot of, you know, emotional intellect in place. And I'm fine with this. I totally understand this difference. Does it hurt me? Absolutely. Because I see those stories every single day. I communicate to those people who had to face occupation, who had their home destroyed, who have lost their husbands, their sons, their their daughters. To this. And I know that I'm a good person because I have this empathy and I'm and I'm caring for them in a way that I can afford to care in the event like this, because I'm also suffering in my own kind of way. The fact that some other people do not care, well, those are not the people that I share values with. Those are not the people that I would like to be friends with. And this is basically how things are for me right now, because it's it's a lot about values. And those values are crucial for me and not so crucial for others. That's why I just divide myself and pull myself out from those people. But yeah, human stories likely would have changed the narrative that we currently see. But even if they were told, they wouldn't be understood by those who are in power in the United States at the moment. I really doubt that.

00:24:01: Luzia Tschirky: Do you have sometimes the feeling that, like a life in Ukraine, a life of a Ukrainian person is less worth than any person you know, any other person's life, like a person, like from the US or from a other country in Europe. How does it feel for you?

00:24:20: Yuliia Diadiuk: You see, it's it's a hard question for me because sometimes, once again, because I'm a very empathetic person, I just deny that someone would think of Ukrainians in terms of dollars. But this agreement about the resources that was brought to Zelenskyy and declined by Zelensky shows completely the opposite. Yes, Trump is currently thinking about us as money, as dollars while it's humans lives at stakes and saying that, you know, he should take care of his people first, then take care of everybody else is understandable. I mean, he has, you know, identity. He is the president of the United States. Those are the people who elected them. But those are not at risk of dying every single day and at risk of their state being demolished at risk of, you know, occupation, which would mean that people like me who are working for international NGOs, journalists, people associated with military, you would be dead in a matter of hours or days in occupation. So that's putting a question mark for me on either their understanding of how things look right here, or they really count us just as U.S. dollars. You know, this many Ukrainians cost this much of U.S. dollars, and those U.S. dollars have to be brought back to the United States, regardless of the fact that most of the international aid that the United States provided to us stayed within the United States whilst developing its business and military complex and so on and so forth. They just he has his dollars. This is very disappointing and that speaks a lot for them and for the way they're treating people around the world and for the way they're treating their allies. I really hope that this will, you know, be and be something that opens eyes for Europe and for other US allies. But from what I can see at the moment, yes, they're reacting, but not as profoundly as one is, is expected to react when people is basically saying that, you know, this entire nation is just for 50 billion U.S. dollars, and they they are to return those to us because because that's fair. And if something like this is fair, well, that speaks a lot about the morals.

00:26:40: Luzia Tschirky: How did you actually manage to plan in your life when you know the future seems so unclear?

00:26:50: Yuliia Diadiuk: Being honest, I don't manage, even though I'm sort of a control freak. I love to have a plan. And you know, back in university there was always this joke that okay, from the beginning while in university, everyone was joking that I'm about to become the president of Ukraine. So I was called Mister President. And you know, that joke went really wild because some of the professors started calling me that. And like me and my friends had joked that, you know, I should have a plan so that by 35, when I'm eligible to run for president, I should have a husband, a kid. The kid should be over six so that the kid can go to school already. So there was this profound plan of buy when I'm about to buy, when I should marry, by when I should get pregnant. And like, you know, it was very well planned. And right now, when, you know, my life basically depends on whether Russia decides to do a missile strike in Kharkiv by whether Russia decides to make another incursion into Kharkiv oblast. This is what is driving my life and this is what is making plans instead of me. So I would say that I don't manage to plan, you know, long term. It's only short term. I wake up in the morning, I take my notebook and I say, okay, so today, if anything happens, I'll do this. If nothing happens, then here's the plan. And this is how you plan. Basically, you cannot plan for, like, you know, a year, half a year. And this is a huge pain, especially for, for me and my husband as a young family, because we got married like a year ago. We're about to celebrate our anniversary in March, and as a young family, we're expected, you know, to have a kid. And how do you plan for a kid when your city's getting shelled? Your husband is serving in the military and risking his life. You don't plan. You just. You just see what happens. And now, with Trump and his new ideas of being a peacemaker, things are getting even harder to plan. Because you don't know, like maybe tomorrow is a ceasefire. But then if tomorrow is a ceasefire, that means that in half a year Russia will start the full scale war again. So it's it's a hot mess where you just plan day by day, you know, sometimes even hour by hour, depending on, you know, the missile strike schedule, if you could call it that.

00:29:15: Luzia Tschirky: When you're speaking with your husband, when you have, like, the opportunity to talk to him. Are you trying to talk about any future or are you trying to avoid this topic with him?

00:29:29: Yuliia Diadiuk: Well, we are trying, but, you know, it's very vague. It's never, you know, a specific. So okay, next week we did this in a year we will be there. And then when we are old, I want us to be there. Well, maybe when we are old, there is a plan of leaving at peace in our own house. And you know, this is a dream. But when it talks, when we are talking about planning, that's something, you know, maybe if things are okay or we'll do this, then maybe if things are fine, we will be able to do that. And it's not, you know, I would call it careful dreaming. Like we are very careful with our dreams because sometimes it feels like. It feels like if you planted, if you wanted to much, or if you even voiced this out. This is not going to happen because there are so many things that we are not able to control. So even if we are talking about the future, it's nothing specific, nothing to, you know, wishful because you feel like you are going to scare this off. And that's probably one of the side effects of not being in full control of your life.

00:30:36: Luzia Tschirky: Do you feel like this has already been taken from you? Like having just a normal one year marriage anniversary with your husband? You know, just having, you know, not these constant worries. Are you going to be able to see him? Are you going to be able to celebrate? Do you feel like this has been taken from you by the war?

00:30:56: Yuliia Diadiuk: I think so, yeah. Because now I'm not even, you know, not even asking about, like, what should be planned, how it's going to be. I'm just, you know, accepting the fact that it's going to be what it's going to be and what the circumstances allow us to make or out of it. So it's never, you know, it's never planning a vacation, never planning an anniversary, never planning anything too specific. There was this one time when me and my husband, we really tried. We were to have our wedding ceremony in May 2024. We had all the official papers done before that, but we invited, you know, our friends or relatives. I had my wedding dress bought. He had a wedding soon and and things like this, you know, the standard wedding just, you know, nothing someone considers a luxury in any other kind of peaceful state, you know? But then, three days before the ceremony, Russians relaunched their attack on the Kharkiv Oblast, entered Kharkiv Oblast from the Ukraine state border. And then the next day, my my husband got cold and said, okay, we're going to leave from for the front line. So basically he left by 7 a.m. and by 9 a.m. I was already calling our friends or relatives, saying that, you know, guys, our our wedding is canceled. We will not have a ceremony. I'm very sorry, but this is how things turned out. And that's that's the reality. So I called all the vendors. I called the cafe and said, you know, and actually one of the things that were pretty cool, I would say we had, you know, flowers booked like a wedding bouquet and then like decorations and stuff. But that day, on the day that we were supposed to have a ceremony, Mother's Day was following like the next day after. And I told this woman in the flower shop where we have ordered everything that, you know, you can give out those flowers to mothers that you think that would need them and will not have someone to give them to them. So that's, you know, how I try to make the most of the canceled ceremony. So I still have a wedding dress that was never worn to an actual ceremony, which is sad, but that's, you know, that's probably the best reflection of the reality that we currently have.

00:33:16: Luzia Tschirky: In the end, you managed to get married and. Can you tell us about how the ceremony was, even if it was not the one you originally planned? Okay.

00:33:26: Yuliia Diadiuk: So basically, the commander of my husband and he was able to do all, you know, the official paperwork so that we are married on paper so that I have my last name formally changed, even though I decided that I will have a double name. So it's Diadiuk-Kolesova right now it's a double last name. So and all of my husband's brothers in arms who he is at war with were present, which was, you know, pretty weird, but cool, having a wedding full of men and one sister in arms that they actually have. So I never got to throw my bouquet because she was already married and I kept that to myself. But yeah, we were able to do this in, you know, this modified military manor so that we're actually husband and wife, but we never had a ceremony with our, you know, with our with my husband's family, with my family, with our friends, with our parents. So that's something that I'm hoping we will be able to do regardless of this war, but slightly later.

00:34:37: Luzia Tschirky: When you watch a movie from the West, a new movie, or you read a book, or you hear just about the problems, the things people consider in the West to be a problem in a partnership. And then you compare what you hear, what you see in movies and books with the hardships you are facing. Isn't there sometimes like the the thought in your mind that these people outside of Ukraine, in the West, they just have no clue about what actually means hardship. How is that for you?

00:35:14: Yuliia Diadiuk: You see, the thing is that that in a marriage during the war, it's not like those usual hardships of a marriage. They disappear. They are still there. But then, in addition, you have this worry about whether he is going to be alive, whether things are going to end well for us, whether you know all of his brothers in arms that we, you know, are friends with the right now, will come back safe and sound from their mission. And it's all combined. The biggest hardship for me personally is that, you know, when there are these worries that are on the bottom of the Maslow pyramid of, you know, survival. It sounds kind of ridiculous to come to your husband and say, you see, I think we do not spend enough time together, and I'd love to have more flowers or something like this. It feels weird, but still, you know, I'm a woman. I want those things. I want to have a date. I want him to be gentle with me and things like this. This never goes away. And so in such a relationship, when your husband is serving and serving in the times of a real war, you have to find this balance. I wouldn't say that I necessarily am the best example of this, because I'm a pretty demanding wife, and I hope that when my husband listens to this, he will forgive me for this. I admit this from the bottom of my heart. I know this, but I'm doing my best to be supportive. But at the same time, you know, to keep building and developing our relationship because this is really important. And that's one of the reasons why I choose the work that I'm currently working at, because I go to the places that are dear occupied. I will go to the places where people have seen this war and where the remnants of this war are still in place, so that I can see them, and I then can better understand what my husband deals with every single day. It's never a full understanding, obviously, because I have never been to the actual front line, but at least this is, you know, the touch base for us, where we share something in common and where I can get a better understanding of his experience. And this is something that is crucially important to me to be involved, to know what is going on, to know people, that he stands by side by side at the front line so that I'm able to support him. I'm able to understand his stories and I'm able to be there as a present wife. Even when things like this happen, and even when I'm far away, when he's in a very dangerous conditions.

00:37:44: Luzia Tschirky: How do you manage to stay connected, you know, like in a situation when he's far away and when you do not know, like the current circumstances, he is facing you? How do you stay, like, connected with each other?

00:37:58: Yuliia Diadiuk: Well, it's not, you know, connected in a literal kind of way because obviously there are a lot of situations when we do not have any, you know, connection in terms of messages, phone calls and so on and so forth. I was lucky that it has never been more than a week. And this is not the luxury every single wife of a soldier has right now. And I totally understand that. And I am, you know, inspired by those women who are able to go through more than one week of no contact and no news from their husband. But the better I understand how these operations are carried out. What is the mechanics of one day left? What is, you know, what is the expected time of when they will be away and what is happening? The better than I can catch up with my husband of one. What happened? How did it go? And you know what is my help? That You need the moment. What is my support that you would expect from me at the moment? The thing is that while they're out on a mission, even, you know they're rotating there. But when they come back fully to, you know, to rehabilitate, to have like a small break, which does happen. Luckily, that's what I know all of the details while he's out there usually don't. Even when he gives me a brief call, it's like, hey, I'm okay, we're fine. Everything is good. And when, like short calls like this happen, I do my best to say, I'm glad that you're safe. I've been worried about you. I'm all okay here, too. You don't have to worry about me. You have other things to worry about there. And that's probably the best support I can provide at that moment of time. Obviously, when he comes back, you know, we always have this big debriefing of what happened, what he saw, what he went through, what happened to me here while he was away. And that's when, you know, this full understanding comes in place, and I try to support him in the best way possible because, you know, sometimes it has been a successful mission, sometimes it has been a total disaster. Sometimes there were times when he lost his friends. They're like close friends, and that's very hard to be by his side in those moments, because, you know, you can not bring this person back. And the only thing that you can do is take care of him, support him and try to understand them. But what I always say to my husband, and that's my rule number one, is that I never say I understand because I never do, I never, I would never, ever in my lifetime be able to fully understand the experience that he is having at the front line, and this realization of me being less in the context, less understanding, not being able to provide the entire, you know, range of support that he needs is, I'd say, crucial to all wives, to all partners who have their loved ones at the front line, you will never be able to understand. And that's okay no matter how hard you try. Unless you go there, unless you see the real war live, you will not be able to understand your partner fully. And sometimes there is a need to support. Sometimes there is a need for special partner counseling. There are, you know, free resources available to partners of soldiers so that, you know, we are basically getting tired. The soft skills that you need to provide the support to your partner without being too intrusive. There's also, you know, support available to servicemen and servicewomen. That's a whole another part of story. So yeah, it's very complicated. It's really very complicated. And I'm doing my best. And I hope that my husband feels my support either here or when he's out on the front line.

00:41:50: Luzia Tschirky: Have you yourself ever thought about joining the Army as well? Or have you thought that? This is not the place you want to be.

00:41:59: Yuliia Diadiuk: Honestly, I do have some sort of guilt for not serving at the moment. I feel like I would be a good use in the Army. I'm a fast learner. I am pretty fit. I'm young. Which just, you know. We're already enough of assets to protect your land. But me and my husband had this discussion numerous times. And what he told me is that, you know, only one in the family is supposed to be at the front line. The other one has to be somewhere else and just support. Because otherwise it's going to be a hot mess. And it's it's just very hard. I still have, you know, been done, been doing some training in terms of, you know, first aid, either tactical or further away from the front line. I do know how to, you know, hold a gun, how to shoot and so on and so forth. I'm hoping that I will never need, you know, those the those tools and those this knowledge that I've gained. But if if things become critical, maybe this is something that we'll still consider. But yeah, the agreement with my husband is that he is the only one who serves for the good of this family.

00:43:15: Luzia Tschirky: So how did you deal with the time you are at home and, you know, okay, he's not out there in a very difficult situation and you're in Kharkiv. If you're not there, you don't know what is happening in this very moment. How do you how do you deal with these kind of situations yourself?

00:43:34: Yuliia Diadiuk: Because of the specifics of the unit where my husband serves, most of the times, I don't even know what part of the front line he's at, which is another hardship, you know, because if you at least know, you know, the part of your front line, let's say it's Donbass area or Kharkiv area or Zaporizhzhia area. You can at least follow the news and see what the news are saying, whether Russia has been assaulting or not and so on and so forth. It's not it's not something that is possible in our case. So that's why I'm trying to focus on the regular day to day tasks that I have to do. I'm grounding myself in the routine that I have that, you know, I wake up. I have to do my sports. I have to walk the dog. I have to cook breakfast. And everything should be very logical within this one day, within today's routine, because otherwise want to have too much free time. I start to go through news, see if my husband, you know, hinted me by any kind of his messages where he is, see if any of his, you know, commanders or people he went to the frontline were online. And this is just too tiring. Absolutely counterproductive. And I would never, ever recommend doing this to any partner of a soldier. Just don't just focus on your regular tasks. Focus on the things that you are doing every single day and what makes a routine. What creates a routine for you. And that's extremely helpful. To chill, to keep the sanity, not to be on the nerves all of the time. Even though I'll tell you this, I do sleep terribly when he is out. Like sleeping is the worst task ever for me, because when you go to bed, you have a lot of free space for different thoughts, for different, you know, internal conflicts and dialogs. So that's something that is really hard. But otherwise I don't want to say, but you know, it still comes to the fact that you get used to this. You get used to this. You know how to handle yourself, how to handle your home without your husband next to you. How to fix things around your house when your husband is next is not next to you. You just you just get used to this. You adapt. And that's probably one of the wonders of humans and their, you know, mentality that you are able to adapt to much, much more that you have ever thought of. I would never have thought that I would be okay with, you know, air alerts rushing in and out every single day and, you know, living on the 13th floor. But now I'm totally fine with that. You know, after like maybe second or third explosion, I would go and follow the two wall rule, which is not okay. Please, those who listen to us go to shelter right away. I beg you, do not follow in my practice. But this is. This is how you adopt. I'm not scared anymore. I'm not, you know, panicking anymore. Like I did in the very beginning of the full scale invasion. You're just here just to get used to this. Okay? There's an allergy alert. Let's check the, you know, information channel to see if anything is flying above us. If if anything is targeting us at the moment. If not, okay, maybe it's somewhere next to us. We can keep on working, walking the dog, doing groceries, whatever. So it's adaptivity that we all have and we all never really understand it fully.

00:47:07: Luzia Tschirky: What gives you strength like to carry on, even though this is like going on now for three years and no one, not even the US president, knows when it will end.

00:47:22: Yuliia Diadiuk: That's a hard one. There are a lot of elements to what keeps me sane and to what keeps me going. Well, first of all, I know for 100% that I'm useful here in Ukraine like I do my job. I work with people who suffered from this war probably the most, and I'm helping them, you know, to gain their homes back, or to at least have decent shelter if they are IDPs. I help children to go back to school. Through our programs support teen bomb shelter as a school. So this is something you know that gives this motivation that you see staying here is useful. I am needed here. This is my land. These are my people. And you know, this is, you know, this identity part that keeps me here and keeps me going regardless of the noise that is going on around me. The second thing is my family, my my closest ones, my husband in the first place. Because this is the fight that we are fighting together. And the friends that he lost, you know, they are. They should not have died for nothing. So that's why, you know, we have to keep going. We have to keep this fight going regardless of how hard this gets, because they have lost, you know, the most valuable thing they got for this country. So that's why, you know, it's our duty and, you know, it's our burden to carry right now.

00:48:48: Luzia Tschirky: Thank you so much for joining me today on the podcast, Yak ty? Ukraine Live. Thank you so much.

00:48:56: Yuliia Diadiuk: Thank you. Thank you too.